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When In Doubt, Use Parsley

February 5, 2002

(Please check this out and then act accordingly...)

 


Quinn: The Elvis Years

"'Real World' is on tonight, sweetie pie!" I told Quinn this afternoon as we were playing on the floor in her bedroom. Without even the slightest pause, she made a fart that was mighty and fearsome despite being muffled in her diaper. "That's right," I told her. "That's what we think of Tonya."

I can't believe it's been a month since I've updated. So much for capturing each important moment of Quinn's life for posterity through this journal. Here's today's milestone: Quinn laughed at me for the first time after dinner tonight as I sang Marky Mark's "Good Vibrations" to her. She only did it once though. "COME ON COME ON!" I told her, trying to get another laugh. "FEEL IT FEEL IT!" Then I shook her a little. But she only looked bored as she let her gaze wander over my shoulder and to the ugly country-duck-themed wallpaper behind me.

While watching Family Feud from 1984 this afternoon, I came to the conclusion that there's a reason that every person in America doesn't get to be on TV or in the movies. Some of the contestants were just...unpleasant to behold. In addition, some of them were just really stupid. There was a long, convoluted question something along the lines of "Name something citizens can do to make sure they have a say in how their country is run." And what did Jennie in her dinner-plate-sized-glasses guess? "Become an American citizen!" And then, without even the slightest pause, she threw her fists into the air and shook them, then started to clap wildly for herself. Ray, the host, asked if she was sure that the best thing a citizen OF ANY COUNTRY can do to be sure HIS COUNTRY is run well is to become an AMERICAN, and she ignored him and kept clapping and looking up on the board even though he hadn't as of yet called out her stupid-ass answer. And when she got a strike? The family clapped for her and said, "Good answer! Good answer!" And then...my eyeballs fell out of my head and rolled under the couch.


I did some grocery shopping the other night, and as I was wandering through the produce department, a woman I'd never met before stopped and asked me if I thought it was cold in the store.

"Not really," I said.

"I'm always cold," she told me, "now that I've lost all this weight."

And then...my eyebells fell out of my head and rolled under the banana display.


Last night my mom had us over for dinner, and when I splattered spaghetti sauce on my shirt for the third time I quietly sang "Oops, I did it again." My mom--who was born in 1927--looked up and said, "I know what song that is. That's Britney Spears." And then...my eyeballs fell out and rolled under the china cabinet.

Speaking of my mom, she was looking at Quinn's baby book, which I've finally updated with everything that's happened so far in her storied lifetime, and she came to the page that asked us to keep track of her nicknames (Muffin, Quinny-Pie, Mama's Pretty Bunny, blah blah blah).

"I HATE nicknames!" she pronounced and turned the page in a huff.


If you'd like to be horrified, please celebrate Valentine's Day by reading about how Andy and I were on the front page of our local paper on Valentine's Day 1999.


I am going to get all meta here and talk about an outing I went on a few weeks ago. I met Jessamyn and Erin and Wendy for lunch at this kicky little place called Kitsch'n in Chicago.

These girls...THESE GIRLS! They are the sweetest bunch you'd ever want to meet. I met them during my five minutes at JournalCon 2001, but pretty much only knew them through reading their journals. Erin started reading me after the fantastic Brother Tom told her about my site, and sent me many enthusiastic e-mails. Nothing, however, could prepare me for the bundle of personality, wit, and charm that is Erin in person. She is hilarious! I wanted to take her home with me and prop her up on my desk so...so...well, I don't know where this fantasy is going. But let's just say that I enjoyed her greatly.

Wendy, who I started reading at the frantic behest of my friend Ericka, was as funny in person as she is on her site, and totally sweet and smart and nice. She brought Quinn a book she had edited that is just fabulous, not only because it's cute and sassy and has great drawings, but also because the name Quinn is in it! I am so glad I got to know her. I am going to go shopping with her at Dots very soon to procure my own $9 coat with unfinished stitching on the inside. I AM, WENDY.

And Jessamyn...is there a soul in this world sweeter than Jessamyn? I think not. If you don't read her journal, please excuse yourself and start right now. She's an amazing writer, and she's just a lambchop! HEAR THAT, JESSAMYN? Yep! You're my LAMBCHOPPP OF LOVE! I had the best time dining with these ladies (I had Tang! This place had Tang! And I was going to have the Pop Tart Sundae, but I forgot, so caught up in love with these ladies was I). None of them thought I am weird for keeping an online journal. None of them were annoyed at my obsession with calling home to track the movements of Andy and the Pretty Bunny. They were accepting and sweet and funny and boy did we talk smack about the rest of you online journalers! I hope we can get together again. I really enjoyed myself. (Can you tell?)


Wendy, Erin, Me, and Jessamyn at Erin's saucy apartment


Deeee-licious! Yes, I will have another!

Before I stop talking I'm going to check out my picture folder to make you're all up to speed on Quinn's life. Whoops, looks like you're not, you need to see these pictures taken after Quinn had her first taste of rice cereal:

Yes, my friends, these are the good times.

And for no apparent reason, I'm going to leave you with a picture of Baxter making moves on my nephew Timmy.

Oh God, guy, just pet me for crap's sake...