January 11, 1999

Let me tell you what I could have bought at Sam's Club today, were I not on a mission to lose weight. First, I would have stopped at the cute little bakery area. I would have purchased and enjoyed a donut while making my selections (instead of a leaky bottle of diet Coke) because they smelled so damn good. I know I would have had to get me some of those big ole Mutant Sized Sam's Club muffins. Have you ever had one of those things? They're like a meal...absolutely enormous. Moist and yummy...I like Lemon Poppy seed the best. What else, what else...well, the cinnamon rolls with white ooze would have found a home with my cart. I can say that with absolute certainty. Same with the cute little cookies with M&Ms peeking out seductively. Put 'em in, put 'em in, put 'em in the front of the cart so they don't get squished, and let's go. Next, I think it's safe to say I would have bought one of those huge boxes of cereal. The giganto-box is, I think, 2 normal cereal boxes in one. While I wasn't entirely pleased with the selection, I think I could have lived with Lucky Charms. Following the breakfast theme, it would only be fitting to take advantage of 36 Pop Tarts in one neatly constructed package. I can't remember any special brand or flavor, but the big jars of snacks sure looked delightful. Salty and bready. Chex? Pretzels? Cheetos? Who can tell. But I can see the big, reassuringly sturdy jar sitting right here on my desk with a frosty glass of Kool Aid (also something I would have liked to own...a 10 gallon can of Kool Aid mix) and a napkin to cleanse my dainty paws. The frozen food aisles were just too much. I weep to think of what I could have had. Bagel bites, cheese sticks, mini-egg rolls, taquitos, little quiches, frozen Chicken Kiev with some type of liquidy goodness bursting forth... Do you want to know what I bought? Chicken breasts. Tomatoes. Tuna. Little baby carrots. Kleenex. Bottled water. Sigh. Wanna be notified when I update? Send mail and thou shalt receive!